quick read travel

Bad day airport rant!!!

My bad day with planes on a trip to a client

So my day thus far…. anyone who thinks flying to different places for business is a cool way to pay the mtg(s) would be right ….95% of time. Today is one of those times when its dog shit, dog shit wrapped in cat shit and washed down with a side of warm piss.
Leave the house at 05:30 to drive to MAN (I only refer to cities by their IATA airport code now as I’m a one of those geeks). Drop off the hire car, walk to T3 and into the lounge as T3 is tiny and full of idiots flying to Alicante ….wherever the hell that is, sounds cheap and shit though!

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my little plane at MAN

Lounge costs me £40 as I’m fly some cheap airline to GLA and they don’t offer business class. But all is good as the lounge is nice and they do decent poached eggs. Well they did do poached eggs until they stopped them last month – at this point I should have choked myself with the napkin (paper not cotton I might add) and just ended the day there!
So no eggs but got an omelet instead, 6/10.
Go to the gate, plane departure is 08:45 and we are still waiting to board at 08:50 hmmmm. Get on the plane and hit with a 30min push back delay (thats when that golf truck pushes the plane back). 30mins, no problem if your on an A380, or 747. This is some 20 seat shit bucket with no ventilation as the engines haven’t started yet.
Skip forward 2 hours and I rock into my client’s office and chuckle with the guys about my delay.
Do a bit of work then get a phone call telling me a need to return that day back to sunny Yorkshire – no problem, needs must. Look at planes and trains and decide to do a few hours and book my normal 18:45 FlyBe back from GLA > MAN. Had the choice of a few before then but wanted to do at least more than 4hrs in the office to get some value out of the day. So get an Uber to the airport, left my case in the office so just handbag which means straight through to security to airside. No problems so far, do my normal routine of a coffee and going through emails. Gets to 18:15 so walk down to gate and take a seat. I did wonder why I couldn’t see a plane anywhere on the concourse near our gate ….”attention please, flight BE2442 to MAN is delayed by 3hrs due to technical reasons” queue half the passengers going mental about connecting flights. I snigger to myself as a open my laptop, pretty sure there is another MAN flight that I can buy a ticket for ….I was right, but it left 20mins ago and no more til morning.
Fuck sticks!
So 3hr delay plus 45min flight plus 1hr picking hire car up and driving home = fuck that. I decide to hire a car, so book one and walk out of the airport smiling to myself like a smug bastard. Get to Enterprise car hire desk and assertively give them my phone with the booking reference, the girl explains she can’t find it, I explain that I’ve just booked it as I’m a big powerful director and I’m not constrained by things like flight delays. She then looks at me and asks why I booked it from Edinburgh airport and not the airport I’m, currently stood in! It took me a moment to process what she said before realizing the twattish mistake I’d made. No problem, it was a £60 booking so I’ll get the same deal here ….”I’m sorry sir we don’t have any cars left”
This was the same answer at all the other car desks. I go back to my laptop and find a car hire company nearby via Skyscanner, £110, but at least I’ll get home in 3:30hrs. I call the company direct just to check they actually have the car ready …they do but its £280! Here starts a 20min conversation trying to ascertain why the difference in price – turns out its some stupid insurance excess he’s trying to screw me with. We agree £110 with a £1250 excess. I explain to him that if I need to claim I’ll make sure I write the car off so I don’t feel short changed ….he doesn’t laugh. Before hanging up to collect the car I mention that I’m flying domestic so don’t have my passport. “sorry sir you can’t rent a car without your passport”. Another 10min conversation which starts civil enough as I’m sure he’s made a mistake and I can hire one with drivers license, credit card and a bank statement I have in my bag. This carry’s on with 1 in every 10 words getting changed to something more offensive every sentence.

I concede defeat and then realise that I’d actually walked out of the airport so my boarding pass won’t let me back in. Fuck sake. So I wonder back to the check-in desks and explain to the check-in lady why I’m not actually sat in departure lounge like everyone else. Then its back to security. So go to the bar, get a beer and wait 2hrs for the gate to come up. “Gate opens at 21:05”, its 21:04 so I’m happy as a pig in shit right now. 21:05 comes and greeted with the message “delayed until 21:55”. Nothing more to say. Apart from the fact that the car I originally booked to pick up from MAN at 20:00, their desk shuts at 23:30. So given an ETA landing at 23:05 means I’m currently writing this knowing that any further delay and it’s a £70 Uber home 

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me less than impressed but finally onboard my flight back

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